I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
