The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
