You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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