we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He passed out mid-signature
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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