No awkward lesbian experiences without me
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
