$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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