Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
