OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
