Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
