gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
