fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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