There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
You smell like stripper and shame
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
ok first of all what the fuck
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
