tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I don't deserve a penis
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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