At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
