I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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