Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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