I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Randomize
