i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
