Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
