just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
