In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Randomize
