kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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