i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Randomize
