I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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