Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
