Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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