You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
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