is wine microwaveable?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
