True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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