Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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