i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
