First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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