I molested 6 butterflies tonight
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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