butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
The adults are the big ones right?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
