mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
