Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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