imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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