I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
