my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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