the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
