She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
