so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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