there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize