im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
They took my balls.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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