we have officially lost it.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
