why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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