we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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