I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
