Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
