just come out here and I will go home with you...
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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