if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
