i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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