his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize