I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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