Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I wish life had little blips of pornography
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
