I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Randomize
