Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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