um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
