gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
