All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Why is your signature on my underwear?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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