Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Randomize
