I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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