actually, I'm a sock model
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
