last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
