My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
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Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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