I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
