did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
