He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
