i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
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that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
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It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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