I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
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No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
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we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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