Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
