is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
