oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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