I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
