It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize