every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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