the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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