as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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