Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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