look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
