so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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