I got chris browned last night
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
