My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
