I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
