And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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