She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
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