Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
