he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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