one two three fourrrrnication!
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
