What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
there is puke in my bra ... again
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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