If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
