My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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