so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
