my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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